Tuesday, March 1, 2011

It's a woman's preogative...isn't it?

So after I published my post about turning my little photography hobby into a business the universe rose up to say
"Oh no she di 'int"
After the decision had been made I thought I would feel so good about it. Ready to take on a new challenge, learn, grow,expand.... all those things that come with opening a new chapter.
Well I didn't feel good about it, in fact I felt conflicted and overwhelmed.
I couldn't quite figure out why.
I had thought this was what I had always wanted to do, otherwise what was all this time and energy for?
So I knew I really needed to do some serious soul searching before I invested anymore time and especially money into my little business. So my soul searching has lead me to this conclusion.
I started taking pictures because I wanted, like almost every other photographer out there,
really great pictures of my kids.
I was getting those, picture after picture and I loved it!
I loved learning about my camera. I loved loved learning Photoshop and all it had to offer.
Somewhere along the lines my thinking changed.
Changed to thinking that if I got paid this would some how validate my talent.
That if I had 750 comments on my blog that I somehow had arrived.
Then I started doing something that if you know the inner most working of my mind (be very glad you don't because that is a scary place....scary like if you were doing an intervention on one of those hoarder shows scary)
I'm getting distracted...see what I mean about scary, anyway I started comparing my work with all those photographers out there.
And that ladies and gentlemen is my kryptonite!
I have always and when I say always I mean from the time I started elementary school,
have struggled with feelings of inadequacy.
So you can imagine what the World Wide Web would do from someone like me.
Blog after blog, website after website.... mix in my thought process and we are right back to the scary hoarding show I was talking about.
So let's bring this very long blog post to a conclusion shall we? Like I said I started doing this to get really good pictures of my kids, and I know I can do that and do it well. It's my happy place, the place where I feel creative and talented. But that was getting lost the more I tried to turn it into something it isn't, and what it isn't is a business.
It is a hobby, a hobby I really love, a hobby that has literally changed the way I look at the world.
And for now that's the way it is going to stay. Don't get me wrong if someone calls and says,
"Please Please will you take my picture"
I will and I will charge them but please know this is my hobby. I am not a professional photographer
I charge people because I do have expenses and it is time away from my family, so if we understand each other then I feel like we both know what we're getting into.
Cue sigh.....so there it is in all it's rambling glory, the reasons I will still be taking pictures but I won't be traveling the world peddling my talent ...be it ever so humble.
Remember what I said about taking pictures of my kids, well here are a few I shot last week that I am swooning over, I hope you do too.


The Howards said...

Well...it sure can be stressful. I think you do amazing work. Just keep your magic around for our little man.

Amy said...

You are simply amazing. Your family, and your sanity, are the most important things. You are a smart and super talented woman. I am totally in love with those shots of your girls. Breathtaking...

Kathy said...

Sometimes we don't enjoy our hobby when we turn it into work. so keep it as a hobby and keep enjoying it. I still think you do a superb job however. In fact, I think I need a copy of those little pictures for my black frames. :) They are wonderful. Love you, Tracy.

Angie Paxton said...

Ah, oh no! I should have read this earlier. I just reccomended you as a photographer to someone from the mom's group in IF. If someone named Flower Aston contacts you to take her pictures could you still do it? As a favor to me? Love the pictures of your girls! Those gorgeous Howard eyes!

Grace said...

Tracie, I love that you've done some deep soul searching. You know yourself pretty good. I love finding out more about the inner mind of Tracie :))
You have such an eye for things, I appreciate your talent and knowledge. Keep loving what you're doing.
P.S. love the shots of the girls, beautiful!

Tracie said...

I feel like I should give you a prize or something. You are the first person I don't know to comment on blog. I find this very exciting. Thank You so much for stopping by and taking the time to read my ramblings. Thanks to everybody for your sweet words. They make my day!