Gaige turned nine on Monday! For his birthday dinner he chose Gringo's. As we were leaving Sadie said "We forgot to sing Happy Birthday!" I turned to Gaige and said "do you want us to sing Happy Birthday?" He shook his head and with a very pre-adolescent look on his face said "No I'm to big." This statement made by my nine year literally stopped me in my tracks, and echoed in my ears in the days that followed. "No I'm too big."When he was born I so happy to have this barrel chested, blond haired, blue eyed boy. He ate like a champ and LOVED his mama!
I loved everything about having a little boy. Growing up with 4 sisters and only 1 brother , I was a little unsure of what to do with a boy. But that worry was put rest as he grew, he knew exactly what little boys were supposed to do. He made these guttural noises, and he pushed everything, wheels or no wheels, my curling iron included. He was his father's shadow and they were the best of friends.
As his second birthday approached, we had what I would call a Battle of Wills that lasted for the next two years. I remember thinking to myself "Where did my sweet little boy go?" This was one of my darkest times as mother. Battling sometimes on a hourly basis with one little boy all the while knowing I was excepting another baby boy in a few short months. After many sleepless nights, and timeout after timeout, he started to mellow. And I started to see signs of that wonderful little boy again.
He has been a joy to watch grow up. I can look back on those times when I was consumed with worry for him and for our relationship, and see how those traits he developed as a strong willed, aggressive toddler has served him well as he has grown. But just like when he was two and I find myself asking "Where did my little boy go?" And how can I stop the inevitable march of time? So as Wendy asked "How do you get to Neverland?" I am wishing there was such a place. Where I could send this wide-eyed, energetic, determined boy. Where the most treasured things in life are sticks and rocks, and those same sticks and rocks make you a pirate, or a cowboy, or a superhero! Where he will always think anything is possible. Where the next adventure is waiting for him just behind the tree.
I know I will have to be his Neverland. Remembering those things he did as little boy. Remembering those simple things that brought him so much joy. I will keep this little toe headed, blue eyed boy, who loves to wrestle with his dad, who loves to play in the tree fort, whose hands are always dirty! I will keep him in my Neverland!
Gaige 4 years old, Sept 2003
